The spoils of Chatuchak Market, a.k.a. Jatujat Market, a.k.a. JJ Market, in Bangkok are legendary: an estimated 15,000 booths spread across 27 acres and grouped into 27 distinct sections, including art, gardening, and pets. It’d take five weekends to properly cover it all, and a lot of what’s for sale is junky tourist tat (Chang magnets, elephant pants, “Same Same But Different” T-shirts), so it’s best to enter the market with a plan.

Our advice? Start with the vintage clothing vendors in sections 5 and 6, about 150 meters from the MRT’s Chatuchak Park station. Here you’ll find dozens of booths crammed with chambray shirts, vintage Levi’s, Mickey Mouse sweaters, beat-up Converse, and goofy logo tees. But also rarer finds like mint-con Sukajan bomber jackets, Aztec-print Ralph Lauren knapsacks, bohemian Gunne Sax gowns, and collectible rock shirts. We nabbed a tissue-thin tee from Guns N’ Roses’ 1987 ‘Appetite for Destruction’ tour for 500 baht ($14 USD)—which makes it about $236 less than we would have paid back in the States.

After you’ve rummaged through the used clothing, zig zag through sections 2, 3, and 4. This is where you’ll find booths devoted to up-and-coming Thai artists and designers. Sections 17, 18, and 19 sell ceramics and enamelware; sections 22, 23, 24, and 25 trade in Thai handicrafts and antiques (ahem, “antiques”); and section 27 has books, magazines, and other paper ephemera. The pets area— sections 9, 11, 13, and 15—is a weird one, selling hideously gaudy carriers, ancient bags of dog food, and 20-baht photo ops with squirrels on leashes. Do with that information what you will.

Whichever sections you tackle, you’ll likely be at Chatuchak long enough to eat. For a decent sit-down meal, try Prik Yuak (room 126, soi 38/3, section 2). Khun Ann’s khao gaeng shop is best known for its tasty kanom jeen naam phrik, a rich peanut sauce ladled over rice noodles with deep-fried morning glory leaves. The seafood—crab chili, funky preserved fish, deep-fried squid—is also good. To eat in, place your order at the counter, take a seat, and the aunties will rush the food out as soon as it’s ready. You’ll notice that the portions are smaller and the prices higher than other stands in the market (typically 60 to 100 baht, or $1.70 to $2.83), but the ingredients are better quality. Also: organic rice and no MSG.

For something sweet, look for the Coco JJ stand on the outdoor thoroughfare between sections 1 and 24/26, near the MRT’s Kamphaeng Phet station; you’ll know you’re in the right place when you see mobs of Chinese and Korean tourists taking selfies with their desserts. Here, one scoop of ice cream (coconut, durian, mango, or Thai iced tea) served in a scraped-out coconut shell costs 60 baht ($1.70) and comes with two toppings plus a gratis cup of coconut water. Topping options include peanuts, palm seeds, sweet corn, coco jelly, red beans, barley, pumpkin, mung beans, and sticky rice. Additional toppings cost an extra 5 baht each (14 cents), so heap on whatever sounds fancy-fun.

When caffeine calls, head to Koko Drip (soi 5, section 7), a cute shipping container-sized box of a shop selling hot and iced coffee, cool ceramic mugs, and single-serve pour-over coffee packs. If you plan to keep shopping, you’ll need the extra oompfh to power through.

Final Notes:

• You can bargain with the Chatuchak vendors if you like—just don’t, you know, be a dick. Most of the merch here is already priced at a fraction of what you’d pay in Europe, Australia, or the U.S.A.

• Public toilets charge 2 baht (5 cents). Bring small change and antibacterial hand wipes.

• The market opens at 9 a.m. on Saturdays and Sundays; you’ll want to arrive as close to that hour as possible. By noon, the heat and crowds make JJ nearly unbearable.

Enter at Kamphaeng Phet Rd. or Phaholyothin Rd., Bangkok, Thailand; no phone.